He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
