please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
