Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
