Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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