I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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