Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
