I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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