wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
