How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
