my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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