I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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