No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
