i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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