Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My bed smells like the plague
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
