she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
