If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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