Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
