I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
