dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize