Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
