If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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