Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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