We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
