True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
