Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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