I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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