Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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