my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
