I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
