Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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