did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
