Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
