we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You've changed since you got that strap on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize