So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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