but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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