I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
