I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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