Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
