my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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