Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize