I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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