I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
