So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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