I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
