just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
