I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize