my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
