I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
