she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
