I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I will die if light touches me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
