i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
