she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
