Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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