dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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