Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
