This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
