I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
