I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
