There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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