actually, I'm a sock model
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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