It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
