But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
