I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
