I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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