So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
