We're facebook friends in real life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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