weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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