He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
