No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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