We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
