i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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