I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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