i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
