Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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