Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
