I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
