Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
