And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
