Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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