he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
