ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
