the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
