how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
