Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
