is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
